Category Archives: Family Life

Meet my family and follow along as we traverse the sometimes unfamiliar waters of ADHD, Epilepsy, and life as a ministry family.

Do You See What I See? Sometimes it really is about the shoes

20141021_180724 Check it out peeps! No boot!

I asked my friends on Facebook what they saw. Some saw the missing boot – one friend saw a tanned leg vs an untanned leg, and another friend saw two shoes on the wrong feet. What a group. I see a swollen leg, a brutal scar, and no boot.

NO BOOT!

I have been in a boot since I got back from the Bahama’s in early October, 2013. I chipped my tibia on the beach, remember? I even wrote a story about coming back with a broken ankle (unknown to me) and how  I accidentally gave my real phone number to some cute surgeon I met on the airplane because he asked for it. He had it at “You’re a comic? I LOVE comedy.” Went right for the ego. SMH. I’m just happy he didn’t turn out to be some kind of slasher or something because I couldn’t pick him out of a line-up if my life depended on it. Besides, I’m fairly certain he didn’t even give me his real name.

I had surgery on October 24, 2013 in order to straighten my tibia and I’ve been in the boot ever since.

20140829_12394613 months I’ve worn this boot and our love relationship wore out after about week two. My pretty yellow wrist bracelet though says it all, “Fall Risk.”

YEP! That’s me all right.

I’ll be honest this has been hard for me. It hasn’t been easy for my husband either. It didn’t take him long to figure out the answer to the question, “So what exactly do you do all day?” Turns out, I do a lot. Now he knows.

I spent an entire year sitting on my front porch watching the seasons change from Fall to Winter, to Spring, to Summer and back to Fall again with absolutely no help from me. That was both inspiring and frustrating.

I had to learn how to deal with life without running away from it. No more running to the Cove, or the Stables, or the club to tell jokes, or even banjo lessons. I just had to sit still and let life unfold. This took work. Huge work.

10447740_461306537337250_7610490709735420961_nI had to depend on my husband for almost everything. I don’t do that well. I wasn’t allowed to walk for over 6 months. I spent three months in an electric scooter and three months on a knee scooter. I didn’t get released to walk in my boot until July of this year. Driving was out of the question.  I couldn’t even take a shower by myself for several weeks.

I also found several restaurants in Tulsa that are not handicap friendly. I couldn’t get in the front door with my scooter. Not being able to eat at my favorite restaurant  was frustrating, however my husband and I did find a new favorite restaurant in Broken Arrow. So there is that.

Being laid up made my blog challenging as well. No races. No traveling. No adventures after kids.  But isn’t that life? We have our ups and downs. Not everything is a mountain top experience. I did get to try a new thing.

I learned how to be still.

And I made it to level 327 in Candy Crush.

Impressive, right?

Okay, not really.

I did, however, read every book I could get my hands on, some brag worthy, others purely for entertainment purposes. I’m okay with that.

And I practiced banjo. A LOT!

I panicked for months about being forgotten as both a writer and a comic if I wasn’t out there doing the deal. I even panicked about banjo lessons. “What if my teacher doesn’t have any openings once I come back? What if after a year on my own, I still suck at banjo?” What if. What if. What if.

I spent a lot more time living in the fear-based world of “what if” than I like to admit.

We did join a new church last winter and all they’ve known is the handicapped version of me. The woman who can’t walk and has to rely on her husband to take her everywhere. The woman who can’t volunteer yet, because she can’t drive. I had to simply be a member and meet and get to know people without giving anything in return.

I even get felt up by TSA this year when the metal in my leg set off their alarms. That was fun.

I had to find value in me without the “stuff.”

I was hoping to hit the ground running, but no such luck. I’ve been walking with a crooked leg since I was 12. It’s going to take time — lots and lots of time — learning how to walk properly. It hurts more often than not.

I find that interesting. My leg is straight for the first time in 35 years, my hips are finally even and my body is screaming. My back, my hips, my leg all want to stay bent and crooked. Everything is out of alignment and it doesn’t know what to do with this new order of things. Allowing things to find their new place is going to take time. Yes, I’m sure there is a spiritual connotation here. I’m still working on finding that.

My ankle should be able to finally bend properly, but it doesn’t know how. It’s partially frozen from lack of proper use. My right foot automatically turns out and my ankle wants to bend on an angle like it always did. I have to consciously turn my leg inward and force myself to walk heel-toe. The simple act of walking has become a practice in Zen philosophy. It requires total focus of mind and body. The only way to stop the pain is to walk it out and teach my leg how to work properly.

If I don’t do that, then the surgery was for nothing.

10527706_476379962496574_150535725174127207_n Even though I’m only allowed to walk in sneakers that look like they are on the wrong feet and use a cane for balance — I have a dream. One day soon, I’ll get to walk in these again and I cannot wait!

 A full year came and went without my help.

I made friends based on who I am and not what I can do for them.

I learned how to receive.

My husband learned a new way of loving.

My boys learned how to spread their wings and do for themselves.

Without having me at his beck and call, even my Dad (75) learned how to do some things for himself.

Healing can still be an adventure if you let it. 

As for cycling. I’m still grounded, however I am allowed to ride my trainer this winter. I’m out for 2015 for any competition. I’m not allowed on trails or streets for at least another six months. Hills are a big no no for at least a year.

That’s okay. I’m not what I do. Seasons still change if I give it enough time. I’m starting to be okay with that.

There are no buckets on my bucket list

We promised our son we’d take him fishing for his 21st birthday.
We drove 12 hours from Tulsa to Galveston to do it.

I got to the marina in the morning and asked the first mate where the facilities were on the boat.
bathroom He said if you open this door in the front of the cabin, you will find a bucket with a toilet seat lid.

I have a broken leg.

I love my boys

I really do.

Just not enough to pee in a bucket

with a toilet seat

in front of God and everybody.

I made my husband take me back to the hotel.

They had more fun without me.

They caught trout, sheeps-head, and shark without the trauma of seeing mom try to pee in a bucket with a broken leg.

And bonus – I got to pee alone

in my hotel room.

It was a win/win day.

 

Daring to dream without getting shot is not easy.

I’ve been down with this broken leg since October. That’s a lot of time to think. I am learning a lot really.

  1. Living in a small town doesn’t mean you have to live small.
  2. Dare to dream and don’t burn bridges, you may need to cross them some day.
  3. If you are going to live in a small town, don’t waste your time writing about small things.

I forget these things some times.

I honestly thought I would die once my kids grew up and frankly I’m rather surprised I didn’t. I was THE mom; special needs advocate, homeroom Mom, lunchroom helper, substitute teacher, fundraiser chair, youth leader, assistant soccer coach, PTA President and everything in between.

I did it all and some days I miss it like crazy.

Honestly, I get excited when my college son brings home his laundry because I feel needed. Yes, I need help, I know.

While it is true I’ve done some awesome things since my boys grew up like swim with sharks, do stand-up comedy, write a book (to be published in 2015) and act as an extra in two Hollywood movies, there were some false-start moments. My early days in comedy were a little rough. So rough in fact, I had someone tell me to never EVER do comedy again. I’ve even been heckled to the point that I wouldn’t go back for a second set. And I’m still learning to find my voice.

Finding my voice is not an easy road. My voice is in puberty at the moment. It squeaks. A lot.

This blog is primarily my highlight reel – proof that life does not end once the kiddos launch. That has been my primary goal these last few years. I want you to know though there have been glitches and lessons learned.

  • Kids don’t always launch the first time. Sometimes they come back home. Sometimes they don’t launch right away, especially if they have special needs like mine. That’s okay.
  • Returning to the work force after taking a decade off to raise kids is scary.
  • Ditto going back to college.
  • I took an art class and did so badly my teacher either gave me the wrong email address or changed hers just to never hear from me again.
  • I learned that when you live in a small town and tell gynecologist jokes, it does not take too long for people to figure out which doctor you are joking about.
  • Cowboy/Cowgirl jokes don’t translate well outside of Oklahoma and everyone IN Oklahoma thinks the jokes are about them. You do not want to piss off either category as they all carry. Just sayin.
  • Accidentally give a man your real phone number ONE time and you will never travel alone again.
  • Ditto breaking your ankle while on vacation with your girlfriends.
  • People do not feel sorry for you once they realize you broke your ankle on the beach, in the Bahamas and rode the darn horse anyway because you paid for the excursion and want your money’s worth.
  • If your car gets stolen and you tell the police and the insurance folks that you do comedy for a living, do not expect them to believe you about the car.
  • Guys are not your girlfriends – hugging new male friends and/or grabbing and holding their hand when you talk to them, might perhaps freak them out, especially if you do that in front of your husband.
  • If you are the physical type like me, and live in the South, make sure his wife doesn’t carry. In my defense, I was too busy raising my boys to have male friends. I’ve had to learn a lot in the last few years about how to do this without getting killed.
  • Rumor has it, “She needed killin’ ” is a viable defense in Oklahoma.

Always remember that life after kids is fun and when running out that front door as quickly as the money flies out of your wallet makes you tired, remember to rest.

For those who follow me, you know that I recently had surgery and I’m resting near a lake/river somewhere in Oklahoma right now. I need the rest. I’m tired and that’s okay. Resting is important. I do not have to accomplish every life goal right this minute. There will be time for more adventures.

If you live in Florida, or are traveling this summer, I will be performing as part of The Clean Comedy Challenge at Coconuts Comedy Club in Tampa Florida on July 23-25. Come on out and say hi! I’d love to meet you.

I really did have a screw loose

10277660_10200863794997581_8005721096887725535_n

“Born an American, Saved by God’s Grace, Rebuilt by IKEA” – Mark Cosgrove

It’s officially two weeks post op and I’m off pain meds, which means I get to write again. Yay!  Some people have asked me what exactly they did and why I’m out for the cycling season. This X-Ray shows it all pretty well.

What has really surprised me his how relatively pain-free I am in comparison to last time. I really think a lot of that is due to the fact that doc stabilized my tibia. I have two plates now instead of one. I have one in front and one on the side. There are 7 or 8 screws holding them in place. The fuzzy part in the middle is my hip bone. This part needs to stop being fuzzy and make nice with the rest of my leg before I can walk.

If all goes well, I won’t need the ankle replacement. That is my goal.

I just had a really crooked tibia that rubbed on my talus and made my ankle hurt. Our docs down here are awesome and some of the most creative orthopedic surgeons I know.

I’m still out for the season no matter how you slice and dice this.  In the mean time, I’m rockin the banjo and making the most of my down time.