I Will Beat Her

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I saw this yesterday on my cycling group page and fell in love with this.

I am totally putting this one on my bathroom mirror!

I’ve heard it said many times that performing artists are basically needy and insecure. I’d laugh, but it’s kinda true at least for me. I’m an approval junkie for sure. I also want to be fit and healthy again. I get really frustrated at times by how long that is taking me. I’m not rolling with set backs as well I used to either. My husband is a great encourager in that regard. He keeps me from giving up, which is a good thing.

My husband, son and I tried to go cycling last night. I’ll admit I really didn’t want to. I’d been to the doctors in the morning to talk about my neuropathy in my left leg and was feeling a bit overwhelmed at the possible causes, cures et al. I don’t yet know the full extent of what is going on with my leg and part of me is afraid to ride. I’ll see a specialist in the next week or so and have and EMG performed to test the nerve functions in my left ankle and foot. Hopefully that will provide some answers. I don’t have diabetes, we know that, and I’ve learned that peripheral neuropathy can also a sign of hypothyroidism and blood work will be coming up after the EMG. To add to the fun mix the middle finger on my left hand is now spontaneously twitching. I could very well simply have a pinched nerve in my back. I’ll know more in a couple of weeks, no point obsessing at this time. Not that logic like that stops me, you know?

I can ride, doc said so. I just shouldn’t ride alone, which I’m not. I always feel better after I ride. I just need to do it more often.

I ran out of excuses last night and recognized that look that communicates he’s run out of patience and conceded to ride with him. If I’m going to make him drink green smoothies and try vegan dishes, I darn well better hit the trails.

We finally get to the trail head only to discover our bikes were trying to copulate. His pedal was somehow stuck on my water bottle holder and nothing we did could untangle them and we had to go home and find a screw driver in order to separate the bikes. Amused is not the word I would choose to describe our mutual state of mind when we got home.

We’ll be getting a bike rack for the back of the pick up this week.

All that’s wrong really is I’m afraid. Old fears have no place in my world today. They still show up and it’s my job to silence them.

I’ve genuinely overweight for the first time in my life. This has been an eye opening experience, let me tell you. The assumptions, and prejudices that come with that are astounding. On one hand I enjoy not being hit on anymore and I do enjoy being taken more seriously on an intellectual level (both are bonuses to me) on other hand I don’t enjoy the whole stigma that comes with it. Not to mention the impact it’s had on my own self esteem or my health. My looks used to be very important to me. Not that I was ever vain or shallow, I just worked hard to look my best. I’ve really had to reassess how I see myself. I didn’t get this way because I gave up, truth is I landed here through fad dieting, bulimia, and probably menopause. I can change most of that.

 I’ll write more about that later. suffice to say, deep down there is this little girl who is afraid of failing yet again. She does like to show up once in a while and I’m not going to let her win. I will beat her, after all, no one knows her like I do. And that is a good thing.

At Dawn We Ride! Go Women Cycling

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After 18 months of lamenting how I only know male cyclists, one of them being my gynecologist, (I could write a thousand jokes about that here, but I won’t. At least not today.) I finally found a group of women cyclists to ride with in Tulsa. The Tulsa Tough Diva’s is a brand new organization. While I’ll be in Nashville this year and unable to participate in the Saint Francis Tulsa Tough three day event, I did join up as a Diva for the training rides and for the fellowship. Well that and the really cool uniforms. And not to be a hack, I won’t wear a uniform for a team I don’t actually ride with, so….

I go on my first group ride with them in the morning.

Yeah for me! and for women cycling in Tulsa.

Friday Funny: That’s Reassuring

images I bought clips for my bike the other week to help make my rides more efficient. After the bike shop mechanic installed the new pedals and I tried them out for size, I asked if they were difficult to unclip.

His exact words? “Oh no! My daughter got hit by a truck once and she came right out of them”

That is so reassuring.

I’m going to die, aren’t I?